Hello, Goodbye, and In Between

When visitors are frequent and goodbyes are too

Published
woman in a tropical setting holding up a lei
April 2022 Monthly theme graphic - Belonging

Aloha might be the most well known Hawaiian word. It means many things, but these three remain the most common understandings: hello, love, and goodbye. The congregation I serve on the Windward side of O’ahu says “aloha” a lot. St John Lutheran has been a place of welcome to tourists, military families, folks dipping their toes in the water of island life, and locals (long term residents) since its beginning as a congregation 67 years ago. Creating belonging for a variety of worshipers means saying hello and goodbye each week and never knowing if you’ll ever see that person or family unit again.  

A deeper understanding

Although hello, love, and goodbye are the most common understandings of aloha, none of those words expresses the sentiment deeply enough. The literal meaning of aloha comes from breaking the word into its two parts: “alo” which means presence and “ha” which means breath. The most proper way to express aloha is to touch noses with someone else and breathe the same air. This understanding makes it pretty clear how love plays a major part in the sharing of aloha. Can you imagine touching noses and breathing in and out with someone you didn’t like? Someone you just met? During a pandemic?!

Beyond the word

Although we use the word “aloha” at St John Lutheran, it would be culturally inappropriate for any mainland congregation to use that term. But the true meaning behind aloha is the welcome that all places of worship are called to live into not just through words but most importantly through our actions. Here are a couple of practical ideas for living into being a place of welcome:

  1. See the stranger in your midst. This might seem obvious, but if, for instance, you always arrive at worship at a certain time and go directly to “your” spot in the sanctuary, you’ll see visitors from afar, or not get to visit with them until after worship. We know our congregations have their own language and way of doing things. It can’t be stressed enough how helpful it is for a visitor to have some basic information from a member of the congregation before the worship time begins. At St John, we have members standing on our lanai (the narthex in many worshiping spaces), or near the doors, paying attention to who is walking in. I have met most of our visitors while they are still in the parking lot! There definitely is a fine line between seeming too eager and being welcoming, but if any member of your congregation feels uncomfortable greeting someone new, just remember how uncomfortable the visitor might feel walking into a new place for the first time.
  2. Be practical. What would be most helpful for the visitor to know? Is this a single person, a couple, family, older person, baby, toddler, or kid? Be sure they know where ramps, elevators, restrooms, changing tables, or nursing stations are located. Is a larger print bulletin needed? Do you use bulletins or worship books or have words projected on a screen? Is there a nursery? Is there a children’s time? Is there Sunday school or fellowship or Bible study before or after worship? And, how does communion happen in this space?  (Hopefully that information is printed in the bulletin or the pastor will share it at the appropriate time in worship,; but even letting the visitor know that everything will be explained during the service is helpful.)
  3. Connect them. Can you suggest a place for the visitor to sit during worship? Is there someone you can introduce them to? For example, introduce a couple with a toddler to another couple in your congregation with a toddler, or introduce them to an older couple who has grandchildren about that age, so they can be a friendly presence. 

Staying welcoming

Once a visitor has been welcomed, worshiped with you, and had the opportunity to connect with church members and the pastor(s), they may or may not come back. I do my best to get contact information for visitors by at least their second visit and find a time to have coffee and conversation with them. I can’t think of anyone I’ve had a sit-down conversation with during my time at St John Lutheran who hasn’t returned to the congregation as a worshiping member. That has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the congregation embodying a true sense of welcome. It’s a constant reminder of how the Holy Spirit weaves her way through our most basic words and actions.

Shaping the space

When new people enter a worshiping space, the congregation will begin to change. St John Lutheran added families with young children to our membership roll in the last several years. Much of that was the snowball effect; one family joined us for worship, felt welcomed, and invited their friends. There were many blessings to having new, young faces and babies and toddlers in worship. 

We started paying attention to what might be helpful for parents of young kids and realized that a lot of them were spending the worship time juggling their active, growing children. We asked and heard that a space to “corral” the kids, while still keeping the parents in the worship space, would be helpful. So, with the help of one of the moms, we purchased a playpen and floor mat and rearranged the sanctuary so the playpen could fit nicely in the worship space with room for the parents to sit around it. While fitting in the playpen, we realized we could rearrange our whole space to fit more chairs and have wider aisles for our older members with walkers and wheelchairs. What started as a way to make our youngest members (and their parents) have a space designed for them, turned us into a more welcoming space for our oldest members too and any visitors that might have physical challenges.

I realize not every sanctuary has the space or flexibility that we happen to have to rearrange as we did, with just a little elbow grease. But every space can be reimagined.  Who is in your worshiping community right now? Is the space welcoming for them?  What are some simple ways you might be able to rethink even a corner of your sanctuary to be more welcoming for those who already worship with you? Or, those who have yet to visit your congregation?

The blessing and challenge of frequent goodbyes

I don’t want anyone reading this to think that St John Lutheran or I think we are the authority on how to be a welcoming church. We are a small worshiping community, partially because so many of the visitors we welcome who become members do so for only a year or two. The huge military presence on O’ahu means that oftentimes those who become members and get actively involved in our congregational life are moved to somewhere else within a few years. This way of life and reality for our congregation is both a blessing and a challenge. We enjoy the gifts of particular members while they are on island and then we bless them with prayers of aloha as they leave us to move to their next home. Those goodbyes are always hard, but they are a constant of island living and it’s important we say goodbye well, not just for those moving on, but for those of us who stay.

These years of pandemic life have meant that many of our members who left the island in the last two years have continued to consider St John their church. Pastoring individuals and families who live all over the world provides space for creativity and many thanks for the technology in our lives. But it hasn’t just been pandemic realities that have made people continue to think of St John as their home church after they leave the island. That ethos was built into this congregation from its incorporation in 1954. Some of those visitors who walk into St John aren’t actually new, but folks who have traveled back to O’ahu to reconnect for a week or month with the congregation that was once their home when they lived on island, sometimes decades ago.  

An invitation

Aloha is so much more than a word. It is deeply spiritual for the Hawaiian people and culture; it calls us to see people as they are, as God created them, and to welcome them into our space. It aligns with the call of Jesus to welcome the stranger and live out the greatest commandment, to love one another, embodied in a word. You might not call it aloha in your particular place of worship. But wherever the church is gathered everyone of us is called to live out this welcome in word and deed. God bless us all in that work. And if you ever find yourself on the island of O’ahu, I know a congregation eager to welcome you.

  • Kathryn Zurcher

    Rev Kathryn Zurcher serves as pastor of St John Lutheran Church in Kailua on the island of O’ahu. She is Dean of the Hukilau Conference and serves as Chair of the Candidacy Committee for the Pacifica Synod. Kathryn is also treasurer of the Hawai’i Council of Churches and serves as a Pohai Nani Foundation Board member. She volunteers for the Hawaiian Humane Society. Kathryn loves living in Hawai’i, but her favorite island will always be Manhattan.

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